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Everybody Lies

June 22, 2010 permalink

A foster mother blogs about her foster boys who will not be returned to their mother. Everybody involved in handling the case knows the mother will not get them back, but the mother herself believes that by jumping hoops she can do so.



I Don't Understand, or Maybe I do.


I'm a forty something mother of five who fosters. In order to protect the identity of children I love who may find themselves, through no fault of their own, part of the dependency system, all names and identifying details have been changed.

The little boys that I have right now are doing well and settling in very nicely. They are happy and healthy and secure and really beginning to attach. Good things all. They are visiting with their birth mom pretty liberally, although supervised. She seems to be making progress as well. Unfortunately her situation is such that she is not going to get her boys back. There is too much unhealthiness in her life. Even if she maintains her sobriety, she has way too much other bad stuff and not enough of anything good to parent anyone. I know this. The worker knows this. The judge knows this, as do the attorneys. I'm pretty sure everyone involved in this case knows it, except for mom. Everyone talks about it, but not to her. No one has told her and no one will tell her. Why not? Why not just tell it like it is and allow her to maintain some control over the situation? Why not allow her to relinquish and make some choices about where her boys end up? She could ask for post adoption contact agreement so she could have continued contact. Why let her believe that she is working toward reunification when everyone is just going through the motions? Once they terminate the adoptive family will be advised not to maintain contact. They almost alway advise it in our county regardless of the birth family situation. We have been told repeatedly that contact with Ella's family is not appropriate (and she did ultimately relinquish)

If I admit it, I know why it is this way. It's to protect the county from lawsuits.

Source: My Life in a Foster Care Space Warp