The Night Before CAS

December 24, 2007 permalink

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugarplums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap -

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutter, and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave a lustre of midday to objects below;
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But an ugly black sleigh pulled by 8 robot deer

With a CAS worker, it made me quite sick
I knew in a moment it wasn't Saint Nick!
More rapid than eagles her coursers they came,
And she hollered and cursed and called them by name.

"Now Slasher! now Danger! now Pouncer and Tricks 'em!
On Rotten! on Stupid! on Dodo and Blitz 'em!
To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall,
Screaming "I want the children - I want them all!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle mount to the sky,
So, up to the housetop the robots they flew,
With a sleigh full of cops and CAS too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The scratching and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
Down the chimney the CAS came with a bound:

She was dressed up for combat, from head to her foot,
And her clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of toys she carried so well,
And she looked like a witch just casting her spell.

Her eyes, how they glistened! her pimples, how scary!
Her cheeks were so wrinkled, her nose was all hairy;
Her thin smirking mouth was drawn up like a bow,
An attempt to look kind, but just like a troll.

Bearing gifts for the children parents could not afford
"Foster care, foster care, all hurry aboard!"
Then in came a lawyer so slickly and quick
I thought for a moment that HE was St Nick.

"No children tonight! No warrent! no order!
Now get out, now get out! and torment no other!
He gave me a wink and nodded his head,
and so let me know I had no more to dread.

He said nothing to me as he finished his job
Making sure they were gone, the CAS mob.
Then glancing around he so quietly said
"All is now well, you can go back to bed"

As fast as he came,as quick he left
Like a phantom, was gone, with a movement so deft
But I heard him proclaim as he faded from sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, keep your children - tonight

Source: adapted from the work of Clement Moore and Linda Weston